If you clicked this piece expecting an April Fools’ joke, you’re not entirely wrong. But beneath the cheeky title lies a genuinely useful guide to some of the city’s cleanest, quirkiest, and most delightful bathrooms around.
Bar bathrooms are not just amenities — they’re requirements, and I don’t just mean legally. Alcohol is a well-known diuretic, meaning it makes you have to pee. While “breaking the seal” might be a myth, if you’re drinking, you’re gonna have to go. Lots of bars pay no mind to their facilities, letting them become sticker-crusted pits of germs that serve as a last resort when holding it is no longer an option. Others take pride in their privies and make them almost destination-worthy in their own right. These, we love.
I myself am uniquely qualified to rank bar bathrooms. Why is that? I’ve got a medically overactive bladder and have tried every category of medication to treat it there is. (And I drink a lot of water, like one time a doctor told me it was too much.) I can’t think of a time when I visited an eating or drinking establishment and didn’t take a trip to the baño at least once if not five times. It’s a curse I never thought I’d find an upside to — until I got this assignment.
So without further delay, here are 13 of the best bathrooms in New York City.
Bar Snack
Credit: Sarah Strong
After your Spice Bag, pint of Guinness, and cocktail (Salad Negroni anyone?), you’ll head to the back of the bar where colored lights beckon. If you’re lucky, you won’t have to wait for anyone ahead of you to finish taking their requisite selfies, because this sh*tter is a stunner. It’s fully done up like a disco ball with mirror-paneled walls, a spinning chandelier, and the perfect big mirror for your fit pic. Owner Iain Griffiths applied the finish by hand, telling us it took 48 non-consecutive hours. “People definitely take their time in there, and for that I apologize to anyone ever at Bar Snack who really needs to go,” they say. For a somewhat shorter wait, head to the downstairs outpost where the theme is googly eyes.
Oxomoco
Credit: @uncovermore on Instagram
For a slightly more subdued disco vibe along with bountiful Margs and Michelin-starred Mexican food, head to Greenpoint. Oxomoco’s bathroom, with painted walls and a pendant-style mirror ball, sums up the vibe of the whole place.
Nowon
Credit: @nowon.usa/@youngskeletons on Instagram
We’re sensing a theme here… The disco-ball adorned stall at Nowon’s East Village location is more Korean karaoke bar than “Saturday Night Fever,” and we’re down for it. After sampling the joint’s legendary cheeseburger, an order of chopped cheese rice cakes, and some soju, you might even break out in song. (See also: Wenwen in Greenpoint where the disco-ified bathroom takes a cue from Taiwanese karaoke joints.)
The Baroness
Credit: @matt.grossman on Instagram
Near, far, wherever you are, there’s always a possibility that Celine Dion could stop in and use your bar’s bathroom. That’s what happened at this Long Island City spot, and it’s what prompted the owners to transform the facilities into an homage to “Titanic” complete with portraits of Leo, Kate, and Celine, plus a replica of the Heart of the Ocean, written-out song lyrics, and a hot take on the door debate (Jack could have fit).
The Huntress
Credit: @got2gonyc on Instagram
As if they could outdo the diva, sister bar to The Baroness, The Huntress, has a “Game of Thrones”-inspired loo. It’s got mood lighting, thematic props like a dragon’s head, a giant picture of Peter Dinklage, and an iron throne of swords around the “throne.”
Dolly’s Swig & Dive
Credit: @fifimaccc on Instagram
While the bar might not have been named for country music’s Dolly, its bathroom is a fitting tribute to the iconic singer. It features colorful tiles, and copies of Dolly Parton’s albums line the walls. Plus, the drinks are just as good as the soundtrack.
Crevette
Credit: @crevette_nyc/@stuffbeneats on Instagram
While the latest spot from the team behind Dame and Lord’s is a full-blown restaurant, I love its vibe — which extends to the restrooms — so much that I literally bought a piece of art that’s hanging on the walls. Upstairs, one stall is tiled in blue and the other in yellow, and downstairs both are bubblegum pink with bright green floors. Nautical and floral accents plus cute fixtures give major Pinterest-board vibes in the best way.
Bonnie’s
Credit: @rupertthebaxter on Instagram
Bonnie’s MSG Martini isn’t just one of the best renditions in the city, its bathroom is also one of our favorite clubs. Who needs bouncers and bottle service when your boneless rib sandwich is next to a stall with flashing lights and enough room for dancing?
Royal Palms
Credit: @amandatenenofficial on Instagram
The flamingo wallpaper in the bathroom at this Brooklyn shuffleboard bar has become so iconic that you can even buy a print of a photo taken there. It might look nice in your own john!
HiLot
Credit: @hilotnyc on Instagram
An unexpected amenity awaits you in the WC at HiLot in Alphabet City: a clawfoot bathtub. Climb in for a photo, but don’t get too comfy, your drink awaits.
Milady’s
Credit: @ipopbottles on Instagram
The team at Milady’s in SoHo takes their cocktails seriously, but they also know how to have some serious fun. Case in point: The bathroom is plastered in custom wallpaper inspired by pulp fiction covers, making it a great place to take a cheeky selfie.
Nothing Really Matters
Credit: Nothing Really Matters
While we’d normally recommend holding it in until you exit the subway station, Nothing Really Matters is an exception to that rule. The bar is located before the turnstiles in the downtown 1 station at 50th Street and Broadway, and its bathroom is a disco wonderland.
Moonflower
Credit: @katieoxman on Instagram
This chill, West Village wine bar is a fun place to sip a chilled red or hazy orange wine, but their bathroom might be the real draw. It features a psychedelic mural painted by one of the owner/designer’s sisters and a quirky mirror that would drive any kleptomaniac crazy.
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